4 Ways to Ease Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is an unavoidable developmental milestone. It is most often encountered during early childhood, commonly before the first year. However, children can show signs at any point. Child care providers are regularly faced with the daunting task of supporting a child through those tough goodbyes and trying to ease the pain of separation anxiety. Nothing is more heartbreaking than seeing a sweet little face well up with tears as they realize their parents are heading out the door. However, there is good news! There are ways to ease the pain and make this transition smoother.
One of the things that I love most about Trusted is the emphasis on high quality and personalized care. This individualized approach can be extremely beneficial when supporting children with separation anxiety. While separation anxiety is unique to each child, being with a child care provider who is experienced in handling these critical moments can make all the difference. A provider who is trained in properly responding to each child’s unique cues, and has spent time getting to know the child individually, will be able to respond in an appropriate and supportive way that soothes the child and allows them to find comfort away from mom and dad.
Maintain the Routine
It can be beneficial to develop a “goodbye routine” to help children and parents create consistency when parting ways. Routine helps to maintain familiarity during a transition that feels frightening. The routine should be quick and consistent. The routine can be established by both parents and providers. Parents sometimes will sing a quick goodbye song, or do a big goodbye hug before leaving. Before the parents leave, check-in to see what their goodbye routine looks like. This will help you to be fully prepared, and able to stay in control during the transition.
Child care providers also can establish a routine for saying goodbye to mom and dad. For example, briefly waving goodbye at the window or front door. Providers should focus on quickly, but not abruptly, transitioning into a new engaging activity.
Check in with the parents to see if the child has a transitional object. Some children have special toys, stuffed animals, photos, or blankets that provide comfort during times of transition. Other children might have something that was given to them by mom and dad that they like to keep with them throughout the day. If the child has a special object, ensure that you know where it is and offer it to the child as you say your goodbyes.
Talk it Through
When children are feeling scared or anxious, it’s important to acknowledge their feelings. Talk with them about their concerns. You can say things like, “I know you’re feeling sad that mom and dad left, but they always come back. How about we go draw a picture to give to them when they come back later?” or “I know it can be scary to see mom and dad leave, but we’re going to find something fun to play with until we see them later!” Be sure to remind and encourage the children that parents will be returning later. For those children who watch Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, we know this song has been a big hit in helping reinforce the fact that grown ups come back.
Keep it Short and Sweet
I’ve found the transition from parent to caregiver to be most successful when parents keep it short and avoid lingering or prolonging goodbyes, as this can create confusion and fear for children. As hard as it can be to finally part ways, hesitating and avoiding goodbyes can make the children feel as if there is something to be afraid of.
This is true for both parents and providers. Encourage parents to shorten their goodbyes by reminding them that you have the situation under control. When doing your goodbye routine with the child, keep it brief and then move on quickly to the next activity. The best way to do this is to find an activity that you know the child especially enjoys. Helping them to remember something fun and exciting is a great way to get their attention focused elsewhere.
Support the Parents
It is important for child care providers to remember that as difficult as this separation is for children, it is equally as heartbreaking for mom and dad to have to leave their little ones in such a sad state. While our job is to care for the children, you are really there to support the entire family. When helping children make the transition, remind mom and dad that you have everything under control. It is just as important for parents to feel comfortable as it is for the children. If the provider seems confident, it will help parents to feel more comfortable, which in turn will help the children to feel more secure.
Although the length of time will vary, children will eventually move on from the sadness of parting ways. For some children, they will move on within a matter of minutes, and others may take a little longer. Once the child has fully transitioned, remember to let the parents know! Send them a photo of their child happily playing with a new activity. Or send them a quick message to let them know their child is doing okay. This quick check-in gives parents peace of mind knowing their child is comfortable and happy in your care.
Separation anxiety is a milestone faced by every child during development, most often during infant or toddler years. While it can be difficult for both the children and their parents, it is an unavoidable part of emotional development and an important part of each child’s growth. As child care providers, it is our job to maintain the children’s routine, communicate and support the parents. All of this will be made easier as we take the time to get to know each child that we work with. Understanding each child as an individual will allow us to successfully support them during times of anxiety.
